Deciphering a Marketer

new – different color from previous design.

all new – parts not interchangeable with previous design.

exclusive – imported product.

unmatched – almost as good as the competition.

designed simplicity – manufacturers cost cut to the bone.

foolproof operation – no provision for adjustments.

advanced design – the advertising agency doesn’t understand it.

its here at last! – rush job; nobody knew it was coming.

field-tested – manufacturer lacks test equipment.

high accuracy – unit on which all parts fit.

direct sales only – factory had big argument with distributor.

years of development – we finally got one that works.

revolutionary – its different from our competitors.

breakthrough – we finally figured out a way to sell it.

futuristic – no other reason why it looks the way it does.

distinctive – a different shape and color than the others.

maintenance-free – impossible to fix.

re-designed – previous faults corrected, we hope….

hand-crafted – assembly machines operated without gloves on.

performance proven – will operate through the warranty period.

meets all standards – ours, not yours.

all solid-state – heavy as hell!.

broadcast quality – gives a picture and produces noise.

high reliability – we made it work long enough to ship it.

smpte bus compatible – when completed, will be shipped by greyhound.

new generation – old design failed, maybe this one will work.

mil-spec components – we got a good deal at a government auction.

customer service across the country – you can return it from most airports.

unprecedented performance – nothing we ever had before worked this way.

built to precision tolerances – we finally got it to fit together.

satisfaction guaranteed – manufacturers, upon cashing your check.

microprocessor controlled – does things we cant explain.

latest aerospace technology – one of our techs was laid off by boeing.

— end of line —

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