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… so if i read tolkien, i must be a hobbit, right? (i’m entirely to big to be an elf, sorry) life has been crazy lately … a whole slew of new business stuff, i’m sick of perl. it never ceases to amaze me the amount of pain and anguish someone will go through to try and make a relationship work.. i just see so much pain. i mean, i understand not wanting to tell someone that it’s not working out.. especially when you’re like me and the word “quitter” is not one that will ever apply to you. but sometimes you have to wonder. i’m a sucker for it. i’ll be faithful, and loyal, and try and work it out, until there’s no hope in hell and we hate each other. … or so it seems. the last 3 i still cherish and get along with very well, so maybe it’s a “being young” thing? but i watch two people very close to me, have *massive* problems with their respective “men” …. and it makes me want to vomit. one of them has no idea what he has.. he treats her like a tarnished trophy.. and the other… grrrr .. he treats her like his unwanted property that he can’t throw away. how do you tell someone you care about what to do when it’s not what they want to hear? i mean, i’m notorious for saying the stuff no one wants to say.. and i’m usually dead on target too.. .. but when someone has their face buried in your neck, and is sobbing so hard you have to lean against a wall to hold them up, and they’re asking you how to fix it.. it’s hard. you want to say “there there, it’s all going to be okay” … but you can’t because you know that the only way they’re going to settle their differences is when he gets a bullet through the eye. this new years i didn’t wish for peace on earth. so far i’m holding up okay, and everything i touch is turning to gold, or being better for my attentions… and since i started hangin out with gothkittyn, hirtzenocker and seriphina, i’ve learned a few interesting things about myself i didn’t know.. there was a major puzzle piece missing that was supplied by bailey, and now i’m starting to grok my purpose in life. kinda scary really. i’m bored, and i’m done with my projects for today.. surfing my friends list i came across this little gem: “DracoMiss: It’s just difficult for a bisexual, kinky, pagan girl that worships Isis to get along with your typical straight christian male.” she is such a doll wow.. i have a personal theory about how fate, karma, and lady luck seem to take an excessive interest in my life… so i spent the weekend in b’ham again, (i’ve got a permanent room rented at the cathouse now) and i spent sat night at the manor as usual. kinda scary how many people from livejournal came up and introduced themselves and thanked me for my post in the bellingham community… we’re everywhere … had a good time. got to see the other side of an overstressed jock’s mentality, and, well, i’m glad i never was into sports much in school. (only thing i played in high school was rugby i *really* don’t miss being a teenager. i mean, it was cool at the time, but i wouldn’t want to do it again. *snicker* about 5am tony tells me i tripped him back in 9th grade when we were roller skating at ferndale’s roller rink.. (that brings back some memories eh?) and how he had an issue with me for a long time over it…. i’m like “umm.. dude, i was never that much of a dickhead, and i don’t remember you at all till like, tbh…” so he starts bringing up all this shit i haven’t thought about in years… it was scary. that man remembers *everything*. had a good time at the manor tho. had to deal with one of those drunks that gets really stupid and doesn’t remember he’s being a dumbass, which was all sorts of fun… but having a beautiful redhead look at me, throw out both her arms, and go “tasty!!!” was worth it >:) oddly enough, i found 2 missing pieces in my “team puzzle” that i’m trying to work out… (my business team needs 2 more people to be complete and function the way i need it to.. found both of them right under my nose.. at the manor of all places. heh.. scary thought if you look at it too long. >:) i’m tired. but i’m burning out. i can feel it.. it’s not suppose to be 20 ft tall and wielding a giant % and shooting * ‘s at you on full auto out of it’s gun barrels on the # either. i finally killed it when i found the secret room with the +10 sanguine module of /dev/nul i *really* need a vacation. going through some team changes, which are making life *quite* interesting. so gothkittyn and luna are sleepin, and i’m sitting here thinking about how entertained the goddess (and karma, lady luck, fate, etc) must be, since they have been so good to me lately. we decided to keep the crash pad in bellingham (i’m paying for it) since we’re most likely going to spend weekends there, and, well, a hotel room is, at best, 50 a night, and i don’t like to get up before noon on Sunday, so we’re saving 3-400 a month over a motel room. works for me. i’m going to have to pull a t1 in and get some machines in up there.. probably start on it next weekend. last night, when gothkittyn and i got home from kitters’ place, i was shown a livejournal of someone i considered a friend of mine, and i think i’m hurt. i mean, if i have a problem with someone, or what they’re doing, or their guests, i go straight to the source. .. not that my business related decisions are any of their business anyway, but i *really* thought better of them than that. and i most assuredly don’t post it public on the internet. enough of that. a big huzzah! to kitters, super hostess, for allowing us to have such a nice gathering at her place. azrayel (my secretary) and cheapdialogue stayed out of the tub, but seemed to have a good time anyway.. it’s been a *very* interesting year so far. and even if it all goes bad from here it’s going to beat the hell out of 2001. so i got to meet kitters, highndry, and cheapdialogue over at kitters‘ place last night. heh. i think i’ve created a monster. >:) … but rumple minze and hot chocolate are my favorite “comfy” drink.. so of course i had to share … *snicker* >:) fixing the hot tub wasn’t a big deal. just had to replace a melted side of the heater housing with new pipe, so i ground it flat, sleeved it, and it was all good. highndry is a pleasure to work with (i have a tendency to not want to procrastinate and waste time on a project, so someone who’s okay with that, to me, is a pleasure to work with… especially when they know enough about “stuff in general” that they can follow my ideas without having to go to college first … kitters, i must say, is a wonderful hostess, not to mention an an excellent cook. so gothkittyn, azrayel, shadowpixie and myself are all going to go start a hot tub party over there later on this evening, since with rustycon and 12th night, the manor will probably be deadsville. woo, my breakfast is done.. sometimes i dream. this isn’t one of those, for reference, “sylverstone the traveller” is my sca persona. who i am when i don’t have to be someone else to survive in the mundane world. -=-=- feeling as if he is grown from the very rock upon which he lies, sylverstone tries to rise… and he cannot… with much effort, he tries yet again… the strength he drew from the flame of the true love he felt from her has abandoned him to his fate.. in the cold dark clammy cave where he lies… in the mundane world, sylverstone sits at the console… the (5) 21″ monitors on his desk casting a glow across him… the network switch led’s twinkling like the night sky .. the 96 machine beowulf cluster creating a low level hum as the scsi raid arrays seek and find whatever it is they’re working on.. in the real world, sylverstone is beaten. face down in a puddle, in a clammy cave where he dragged himself, trail of blood tracking back for miles to the entrance… he’s so miserable even the rats leave him be… the voice.. the crystal clear sound of a womans voice calling his name.. reaches through the pain and the hurt.. and slowly, with much effort, sylverstone raises his head again.. and this time he can see the light… then the shakes stop, and the tears recede.. the pain ebbs a bit, as the sound of her voice drains the sorrow from him like a crimson blade drains the blood from a dragon… in the far distance, there appears to be a dim light… as he slowly pulls himself up of of the cold stone of the dank cave, sylverstone crawls t’ward the light… as the sound of her voice builds the strength within him, sylverstone stands, and walks… slowly, but walks nonetheless, t’ward the brightly glowing crystal that tops the staff she carries…. she has arrived. someone who is fast becoming rather special to me said yesterday that love was a disease. i’ll be the first person to say that love is the most important thing, the rest is just details … … but if i’m wrong, then what purpose do i have? james taylor is so cool. business has been, well, frankly boring. another client, another miracle, bibbidy bobbidy boo… amazing really, how much my faith in myself and others rubs off on them. — end of line — ya gotta love it when your power company pulls the plug on your business then you find out it was only 200 bucks they were disputing.. i was like “umm.. you’re kidding right?” so it took under a minute to come up with the money (reached in my pocket) oh well, i got to play with pretty candles all day sometimes life is like beating your head against a wall until you, or the wall, gives up in frustration. so azrayel and amphipteres just got back with a dozen assorted donuts all for me. got a lot done though, and it’s good to have a bit of peace. chinese food is one of those things that i don’t eat terribly often, but every once in a while i just want something delivered, and i’ll order takeout. i’m stuffed to the gills, and couldn’t find a “stuffed to the gills” thingy under the “current mood” gizmo, so i had to settle been a long stressful day, but i got a lot of things done that i’ve been wanting to. /me pours himself a cup of hot cocoa and peppermint schnapps and cracks open his “professional php programming” book… — end of line — |
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i call her babushka >:)
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