i’m not dead yet. (or, the rules to tablero da gucci)

it’s a drinking game that is a cross between chess and checkers, where, if played properly, the winner actually loses >:)

in this kingdom, it’s generally played as tablero da gucci, and we have steve gray (baron steffano) to thank for it..

the object of this game is to make your opponent run out of beer before you do.

the equipment you need is one opponent (someone else who wants to play) 4 equal sized containers of something good to drink (beer, wine, hard cider etc.) seven shot glasses, not necessarily of equal sizes, 2 six-sided dice, a board with a 7 x 7 grid of squares. it should be made out of something that will stand up to being doused with beer on a fairly regular basis.

starting the game
place your board on a flat surface. three of the seven glasses are placed on each base line of the board starting from the right hand corner nearest each player. the seventh glass is placed in the exact center of the board.

find a spectator, preferably female, and have them roll the two dice. this is called the ‘queen’s number’ and will be important later.

each player fills the three glasses on his or her base line. then, each player rolls one die. the player who rolls the highest number gets to choose who goes first. whoever goes first, takes the center glass, places it one their own base line and has control of the dice.

playing the game
seven, eleven and twelve are pass numbers. if a player rolls any of these he/she must pass the dice to their opponent.

when the two dice have been rolled the player must move one glass, for each die, the number of spaces equal to the die if he/she cannot, then they must pass the dice to the other player.

you are trying to line up six or seven glasses in a row either horizontally or diagonally. if the line is diagonal, it must be all seven glasses from corner to corner on the board.

when a line is made, the player who made it gets to “pull” the line. the player who made the line must drink at least half of the glasses in the line. if the line was seven glasses he/she must drink four of them. it is customary to give your opponent at least one glass. the others may be distributed as the winner of the line sees fit (to his/her opponent, to spectators or he/she can be greedy and drink the remainder themselves).

the empty glasses are place on the base line of the person who did not make the line. he/she must then fill them from their own stock of beverage and then gets control of the dice.

if a queen’s number is rolled, the player is allowed to choose one glass from anywhere on the board, toast “to the queen”, drink the contents of the glass and place it on his/her opponents baseline. the opponent must then fill the glass from their stake. the person who rolled the queen’s number retains control of the dice.

if you do not “call” the queens number before you pick up the dice to roll again, your opponent may then call it and get to drink the toast. the glass then goes on the base line of the person who rolled it and they must fill it. they do, however, retain the dice and continue with their turn. if the opponent does not call queen’s number before the dice are rolled again, then the opportunity is lost for everyone.

the first person to not be able to fill a line loses the game. it is not considered good form to win on a “queen’s number”. to this end, if you roll a “queen’s number” and drink the toast, if your opponent cannot fill the glass, the glass still goes on your opponents base line, but the person who rolled it must then fill the empty glass. again, the player who rolled it still retains control of the dice.

the toast round
after the last line has been won, the winner fills whatever glass his/her opponent was not able to fill and declares the toast round. the winner generally takes half of these glasses for themselves, and passes the rest around for the toast. the winner makes a toast and every one drinks up and then places the glasses back on the board.

the winner now has control of the board and may take on other challengers if he/she so wishes.

scoring for tournament play
if you are playing in a tournament the scoring goes like this:

the winner gets 2pts. and the loser gets 1 pt.

the game was a “skunk” (the winner did not have to open his second beer) then the winner gets 3 pts. and the loser get no points.

if the game was a “royal skunk” (the winner filled his first three or four glasses, if he went first in the game, but nothing else, not even a “queen’s number” then it is a “royal skunk”) then the winner gets 4 pts. and the loser gets -1 pt.

it’s an imperial skunk if she convinced her opponent to fill the glasses, and all four of hers are still unopened. >:)

at the end of the tournament the person with the most points wins.

you are not allowed to play the same person twice in a row during tournament play. if you do, then the second game does not count towards your tournament score.

although this game was designed for use with alcohol, it works just as well with soda pop, small pieces of candy (great for playing the game with children), or even water. these games generally do not count for tournament play.

a player may have a designated drinker if he/she so desires. if this is done during a tournament, then the player must use the same designated drinker for the entire tournament, otherwise they are disqualified.

it is not recommended that this game be played with hard alcohol.

in any case, individual players assume all responsibility for choosing to incorporate alcohol in the game and should take all of the usual precautions (avoiding the operation of all vehicles, stopping when they’ve reached their limit, etc).

and there you go.
— end of line —

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