if I were Forrest Gump….

I’d ditch that pansy-ass ‘box of chocolates’ metaphor in favor of a more realistic one:

“Life is like a line of waiting taxi cabs pulled up to the curb in front of a fancy hotel. You never know which raving lunatic is going to get you to your destination – or for that matter, whether you’ll get your destination at all.”
— end of line —